The truth behind "chemistry"

A lot of women list chemistry as one of their top requirements in a relationship. Chemistry being their heart racing, yearning for physical touch and obsessive thinking. Because instant chemistry equals long lasting love, right? It’s the thing that gets you through? Wrong. Chemistry is one of two things:

  • the subconscious believing it has found love because it is used to equating anxiety with love/relationships

  • genetic compatibility sensed subconsciously giving your body the desire to pro create

That chemistry you’re feeling is likely an anxious attachment style that has been activated. Your mind is so used to the hot/cold, not knowing where you stand and the “thrill” of the long awaited text message, that it equates those feelings with love.


No, no, no. You want to feel calm. Excited, yes but calm and relaxed at the same time.


Your ideal guy won’t have you on tenterhooks. You won’t spend hours obsessing about why he hasn’t messaged.


He will actually be making you feel safe and secure.


And do you know what? You won’t recognise that as love because you’ve not experienced it that way before.


So you’ll friend zone him. Tell everyone the spark was missing.


And carrying on pursuing men who won’t give you the relationship you want.


How to change this:

  • realise what your relationship patterns have been and commit to changing them

  • list out how you want to feel in a relationship and refer back to it when you meet someone

  • start giving the nice guys a chance

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Katherine Winny

Dating & Relationship Coach

Equus Coach

Hypnotherapist

Dubai, United Arab Emirates

London, United Kingdom

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