A lot of women come to me, and whisper what feels like a secret.
“Finding a relationship is the most important thing for me right now”
And to me, this makes so much sense. A lot of these women have nailed their career, have a nice home and perhaps a cat or dog or two.
They’ve ticked most of the boxes we’re told to fill. They do their yoga, have their me time and go on holidays with friends.
But it still just doesn’t feel quite enough.
And this is completely normal. It’s natural. Human beings have evolved to evolve. We’re wired to procreate, and find a father who will stick around to protect our offspring. Babies come out looking like their Dads to encourage him to stick around.
We’re wired for intimate connection and lasting relationships.
And in set-ups where everyone is increasingly isolated (even pre-lockdown!) we crave that connection more than ever.
And another thing.
You’ll never have as much time as you do now. If you want to maximise your time in a loving, supportive relationship and most especially if you want children, time matters.
Yes, there are options. And yes you shouldn’t feel any pressure to do certain things by certain times. But you don’t want to look back in 2, 5 or 10 years time and think ‘I Wish I’d done things differently’.
Your career, your social life, your holidays will all still be there in a few years time. But your chance to have children naturally/easily/at all may not be. That might sting, but probably because you know the truth in it.
So if you want to find that relationship, if it’s a priority to you, please don’t waste any more time.
Devote the time, energy, and probably money needed to turn things around. Invest in what you need to change. Invest in finding out what went wrong last time. Invest your time and energy in going for dates rather than squeezing in an extra gym session or a late night at work.
Because you won’t look back and be glad you did those things.
You’ll look back and be glad you went on the date that led to your future family.
What does that investment look like:
Having therapy and/or going to group personal development days/courses
Spending regular time on the dating apps and attending new social events
Going on dates! Including with men you may consider ‘borderline’
Investing in paid dating sites or a matchmaker
Investing in a dating and relationship coach
The more of the above you do, the quicker you’re going to understand your dating patterns and turn your love life around.
Just like anything in life, what you focus on grows.
And if a relationship is as important as you say it is, what’s stopping you taking the action to find it?