After a while of being single (I was essentially single for around 6 years, bar a few six month “things”), you may start to doubt yourself.
You wonder what your problem is. Why don’t guys want to date me?
This was most definitely where I was at. There were definitely things I learnt in order to find my Mr. Right, and now share with my clients, that I wish I’d known six years previously!
1. I was totally worthy of a great relationship
I had really begun to doubt whether I’d ever find the relationship I was after. I was questioning whether there was something wrong with me. After a while, my standards slipped. I thought if you really liked someone, you had to make sacrifices, and I always let THEM and their needs be the priority in the relationship dynamic.
Weirdly, that is often the biggest turn-off for guys - most men love someone who can stand up for themselves!
2. Dating guys for their potential only leaves you making sacrifices
I used to be a “fixer”. I’d find the ‘broken’ or ‘untamable’ guy and be convinced that I would be the one to change them. I took this so far that I even dated someone who turned out to be gay! Turns out that was something I would never be able to ‘fix’ ;).
I realised that I was looking for men that matched the horses I always had growing up - the naughty, misunderstood ones that were a “project”. Well, whilst that’s great challenge to have for my hobby, I can assure you that it is not at all rewarding in your love life.
I would reassure my younger self that I can find a guy who doesn’t need fixing, and use my amazing ‘fixing’ skills in my career instead!
3. To not stop living my own life
I wish I didn’t keep my weekends free just in case he wanted to make plans. I knew I’d end up sheepishly ringing my friends at 8pm and asking where they were. I wish I knew not to make plans around what he might be doing or where he might be.
Do your own thing, live your own life, and retain at least a slight edge of mystery.
But also don’t beat yourself up, as in a recent poll on my Instagram 65% of people who responded had kept an evening free “just in case”.
4. Timing is important
I used to be the hopeless romantic. Convinced that when you meet the right person, you’d both drop everything and be together.
On reflection, timing is so important. If someone is not ready for a relationship, they cannot give you one. At least not the one you deserve. And the pressure to be in that relationship will just cause them to back away more.
And you can waste a lot of time and/or mental energy obsessing over them that could be spent getting out there and meeting people who can give you what you want.