Do you find yourself continuously getting let down by guys?
They seem great, but a few weeks down the line, they’re just not giving you what you want. Or you find someone lovely, but the chemistry doesn’t seem to be there?
The longer you wait to find the right guy, the more pressure there is on him to be something special. In your early twenties, you may have dated someone who was simply ‘good fun’. Now, unless they’re ticking all the boxes, it seems better to cut your losses and move on after the first date.
So where are the guys who will live up to your expectations?
You’re probably falling into one or both of these two traps:
You’re not looking in the right places
You’re looking in the right places through the wrong pair of glasses
Deep down, part of you knows that the 100% perfect guy is not out there. Prince Charming galloping in on his horse with charm, loyalty, handsome locks and a castle to whisk you off does not exist in the real world.
Instead, it’s Megan’s friend Dave, who doesn’t change his sheets nearly enough and has an obscure job in financial services. But who will never, ever forget your birthday, spends several hours planning a date he thinks you’ll love and comes round with chicken soup when you’re feeling sick.
So how to stop focusing on Prince Charming and find Dave?
Get clear on what you really want
You might think you want some baller guy with an amazing car, or dashing looks, or the life and soul of the party.
But in reality what is really important in a relationship - probably things like trust, honesty and commitment. Someone you know will be there for you unconditionally even if they are a little bit overweight or have a wonky chin. Think about how you want to feel with someone - secure, loved, content, happy?
Then start to look for guys who can make you feel that way.
Newsflash: bars and clubs are not the only (or the best) ways to meet someone. Activities, friends’ parties, even your workplace are all ways to meet someone. And if you meet someone in a particular environment, you up your chances of them being a similar type of person, or having similar hobbies to you. You’re more likely to be compatible.
And once you start focusing on how you want a guy to make you feel, and retrain your mind to respond to that, you’ll start seeing guys very differently. Suddenly the sweet, quiet guy who brought you flowers on a first date becomes an option rather than a 'try hard' and the matcho playboy becomes a definite 'no' rather than a 'maybe I’ll be the girl to change him'.
Give him some time
Remember no one is perfect. Often it’s a case of finding someone who is good enough, and allowing things to grow. Love and commitment is a decision you both make. To open up to someone and to commit to them. It doesn’t have a threshold that needs to be met before you can make that decision.
Focus on ensuring the important things are in place (things like trust, honesty, warmth) and realising what can change (haircut, clothing style, frequency of sheet washing). Then you’re going to find someone who is ready for the relationship you want to be in.