I imagine you, like my clients, are feeling frustrated. How are you meant to meet someone when you can’t go out? How long is this period going to set you back for meeting someone?
Maybe you felt you were in a really good place and suddenly the opportunities to meet someone just aren’t there. (This is where a lot of my clients have got to after all we’ve done together!).
I get it. And I understand your frustration. But, for now, we are safe at home.
So let’s take a look at the positives. I really trust that an intentional pause is what a lot of us could do with right now, and that it can be an amazingly positive thing for your love life.
You’ve got time to really consider what you want from a relationship
What you have now is a great perspective. One from which to consider what you want from your future partner.
Who would you like to be locked down with?
In this situation, you’re likely to go for someone that is:
Reliable
Consistent
Not hot-tempered or hot/cold
Considerate of your feelings
Thoughtful
Communicative
I’m sure if you think back to guys you’ve dated in the past, there are some it would be absolutely hell to be in lockdown with.
So think about the kinda guy you would want to be with 24/7. Because that’s what you want for the rest of your life. Crazy passion and chemistry will only get you through the very short term.
Mr. Kat turned to me this week and said “I’m just so content”. And that to me, is honestly the biggest compliment to our relationship (and our new home!). That every single day we are quietly comfortable, relaxed and at ease. Because life is dramatic enough.
If you were dating someone, this is a great “test”
Some of my clients were dating guys they weren’t quite sure about. Mainly because they thought they might be a bit “too nice”.
I urged them to stay with them a little longer.
And now these guys, the ones that were deemed “too nice”, have come into their own. Showing up with masks, planning Skype dates, just being there to talk to.
So if you were/are dating someone - look at how things are between you now. This is a period where everyone’s true colours are going to shine, for better or for worse. Yours and theirs.
Which means it’s an opportunity to see whether, underneath the surface of dating, you are truly compatible.
If you’ve found a good egg. Stick with them. If not, walk away and save yourself a pile of time and heartache.
I believe there will be a shift towards commitment as a result
I’m really curious as to what the dating world will be like after this.
I truly believe that all the single men who relied on being able to date when they wanted, are going to see things differently now. Are going to wish that they had had someone to be with during this period.
I think we will see a real shift by everyone (men and women) prioritising committed relationships, not wanting to waste time and appreciating what they really want.
Watch this space.
Two months now doesn’t mean you’ll be walking down the aisle any later
I always talk through an overall timeline with my clients, especially when they are anxious about turning a certain age and still being single.
I see it like this:
You have your ultimate goal: to be in a relationship/married/with kids.
There are various stages that have to come before this:
dating
meeting the right person
you both stepping into commitment
Depending on your personal state, and the person you choose, those stages can take between 2 months and 20+ years. When you have taken the time to get yourself into an amazing place personally, and when you know exactly which guys to “go for” - you will be much nearer the 2 month mark than the 20 year mark.
Two or three months is a great period to have a break from dating and really get clarity - so when you go back out there, you’ll find someone so much quicker.
So 2 months quarantine to get yourself in that state + 2 months to find someone = 4 months to your ultimate goal.
Whereas if you were out there dating right now, not in a great state and not sure on which type of guys to go for = years to your ultimate goal.
If you use this time wisely, this pause will get you to your ultimate goal much quicker. It’s the pull back of the rubber band before you ping forward into the relationship of your dreams.