The truth about red flags

100% of respondents on my recent Instagram poll stated they have overlooked red flags before for a guy they really like.


Are you the same?


I know I was.


I put up with being in a ‘non-relationship’ where we were discussing living together but he refused to acknowledge me as anything more than a friend in public.


I look back and think WTF. 


How did I not see that this guy was so far off giving me what I wanted? Because I had hopelessly fallen for him. I thought I would change him for the better.


The truth about red flags


The truth about red flags is, they are the flag to the underlying army. They are the tip of the iceberg. They are a sign of a whole load of other behaviours that will come out in time.


And you probably don’t want to waste your precious time to wait and see.

So what are the key red flags to look out for?


In my experience, here are some of the most common red flags to watch out for:

  • Explicitly stating they are not wanting or ready for a relationship 

  • Acting aggressively, being controlling or other behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable 

  • On/off messaging without valid reason

  • Not committing to things you suggest doing

  • Not showing an interest in your life, interests, desires and needs 

  • Lack of connection during intimacy 


I could go on and on with these. But the thing is, you probably already know this. You could flag them to a friend. What you need to do


So it’s time to start being your own friend. Stand back, take an objective look and think “would I tell my friend to stay or go in this situation?”.


Don’t let “crazy chemistry” create blinkers for the unhealthy underlying behaviours. Crazy chemistry will not get you through life together in a healthy way. 


If you’re questioning behaviour ask yourself these questions:


  1. Am I being triggered by something that has hurt me before?

  2. What would I advise a friend in my situation? 


If you’re being triggered, something may feel like a red flag when it’s not. If you would advise your friend that this is a massive red flag, listen to your own advice! 


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Katherine Winny

Dating & Relationship Coach

Equus Coach

Hypnotherapist

Dubai, United Arab Emirates

London, United Kingdom

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