I seem to be having so many of the same conversations with clients at the moment.
Along the lines of:
I was dating someone, now it’s ended and I don’t know what I did wrong.
They’re caught up in the “what if” circle that if they had just done one or two things differently everything would have changed.
But the thing about 'what ifs' are...
We can rewrite the perfect alternative in hindsight, but it wouldn’t have happened like that in reality.
If something wasn’t meant to be, it would have ended at some point. Yes a change somewhere could have meant it ended two weeks later, but it would have still ended...
And when things end in terms other than our own, we naturally think something is wrong with us.
Because if we know what we did wrong it gives us a sense of control. That we can not make the same mistake next time.
But... chances are you’ll never know what really went on. even if you flat out ask that person, they’re unlikely to give you a completely honest response.
So instead, you need to have the confidence that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you as a person.
The right person for you will love you for all sides of you.
What is probably going on instead is something wrong with your approach. This is not your fault... it’s probably happening subconsciously as a result of all the patterns and conditioning you've adopted through childhood and your previous relationships
Somewhere along the line you got hurt. And it’s set up a load of triggers they will fire off when your mind senses you might get hurt again. And that makes you act in a way that’s not the real you.
And that not-really-you persona gets in the way of the relationship you want and deserve.
So, accept yourself as you are, wholly and truly. Then figure out what your triggers are, heal them and let your approach change.
And your results will change too.