Lessons learnt from 'He's just not that into you'

Purely for research purposes, I found myself watching He’s just not that into you last week. And there really were some insightful lessons to be learnt from it. 


It’s one of the films that we watch, cringing, laughing and hiding behind our hands, because we can all relate to it. Either you, or one of your friends, have been in the position of most of the characters. 


I thought I’d pop into your inbox today and share with you some of the useful gems I pulled out from the film. 


1.If he likes you, he will get in touch


This is the rock theme of the movie, as handsome bartender keeps telling Gigi, the ever optimistic singleton. The drive-bys, the “happening to be in his favourite bar”, we’ve all been there (or at least considered it). He finally gets her to put a stop to her somewhat crazy ways and trust that if a guy likes you, he will contact you. (And falls in love with her in the process, because it is a rom-com after all). 


I can say now, I won’t fall in love with you, but I can give you the same realistic advice al la handsome bartender. I can tell you when there is a promising relationship or not. And believe me, if he likes you, he will get in touch. Even if it takes some time - time which you can be using elsewhere in the meantime. 


2. If you like him, you will want to get in touch 


Maybe, like Gigi and handsome bartender, you don’t think you fancy him, but you do find yourself wanting to message him and tell him things all the time. And you really enjoy hanging out. You will respond to his messages and you will instigate your own. If you find yourself convincing others “he’s just a friend” but your actions say otherwise - maybe it's time to reconsider. 


On the flip side, if you’re not feeling the desire to keep in touch, keep finding yourself forgetting to respond and not noticing when a week goes by without seeing him, maybe you’re not that into him. However good a match he may seem on paper… 


3. It’s the day to day in the relationship that counts


Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck obviously win the #relationshipgoals in this movie. She’s convinced she can’t be happy with him without a wedding ring until she sees her brother-in-laws being generally crap whilst she runs around after them whilst nursing her own Dad. Then in swoops Ben Affleck to do the laundry and the washing up. 


And she cries with happiness. 


And for good reason. Because it is those seemingly small things that will make you happy. It is coming home to a clean, tidy house after a long hard day. The warm cuddle of someone you know loves you and is committed to you. 


Don’t get swept away in needing crazy romance - because in your ultimate relationship, it’s the day to day that will keep your love alive. 


4. Don’t date someone based on a fantasy relationship


Enter the Scarlett Johannesen - Bradley Cooper - ‘Janine’ situation. When they’re all swept up into thinking they’re in a relationship that is going somewhere it’s not. 


Janine “forced” Bradley into a ‘happy marriage’, but truthfully they’re both a bit miserable and not having sex. Scarlett and Bradley got swept away in skinny dipping affair thinking about each other obsessively, overlooking the stark reality that he is in fact married without intending to leave his wife. 


Sometimes, facts are facts. Statistically, a married man is unlikely to leave his wife for his mistress. A man who is not wowing you now is unlikely to become the perfect husband and father you envisage in your mind. 


Don’t create a fantasy or date Mr. Potential. Look at the facts and date someone who is into you. 

And how will you know? Because he gets in touch with you! 


What was the biggest thing you remember from this film? Did any of the characters seem familiar to you? Drop a reply in the comment section, I’d love to hear!


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Katherine Winny

Dating & Relationship Coach

Equus Coach

Hypnotherapist

Dubai, United Arab Emirates

London, United Kingdom

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