The start of the year seems to split people into two camps - the Hooray Henriettas who are all about the goal setting, shiny new gym membership and daily meditation. And the Exhausted Emmas who only have eyes and ears for the latest Netflix series.
Whether you’re a Henrietta or an Emma, chances are you would like to end 2020 in a loving, committed relationship. And that’s why I’m here today.
Setting the 2020 goal of “I will find a relationship” is a bit like setting the goal of “I will find 1 million dollars”. It’s a great goal to have, but chances are it isn’t just going to turn up on your doorstep.
So, I’ve set out three goals to focus on that will help you call in the relationship of your dreams this year:
Focusing on feeling your best
Working through your blocks to love
Meeting more of the right men
Focusing on feeling your best
The great thing about this goal is you literally cannot lose. Nothing feels better than feeling your best! So have a think about what your life is lacking right now. And what you can add to make you feel more amazing. Here are a few ideas:
Getting at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night
Doing yoga/swimming/tennis/pottery/your hobby twice a week
Joining a community (e.g. running club, Alcoholics Anonymous :P)
Meditating for ten minutes, four times a week
Planning, booking and going on an amazing trip away
Getting your hair-cut or going on a spa day
None of these goals are crazy big or scary, but can have a profound effect on how you feel. In fact, 83% of “Very Happy” people reported having a hobby or passion, as reported in the New York Times.
And as you feel better and better, you become more and more irresistible. And much better able to deal with any dating rollercoasters whilst keeping your dignity, confidence and magnetism intact.
Working through your blocks to love
Most people I have surveyed on their love lives list external reasons that are getting in their way. Particularly lack of available men or men wanting commitment. Whilst these can play a part, you can’t really control them. What you can do something about is your internal blocks to love.
You may have a subconscious fear of being abandoned that means you find a reason to end things before they get serious. Or a fear of getting hurt that turns you crazy if someone doesn’t text you back within 2 hours.
If you are not finding and keeping the relationship that you desire, there is likely some “deeper” stuff down in your subconscious that’s getting in your way.
So make a goal to devote some time to figuring these out and changing them. There’s a whole host of ways, from journaling to affirmations to hypnotherapy that will help you uncover and remove those pesky blocks.
Meeting more of the right men
If, like many others, you keep finding yourself dating inappropriate, non-committal men who may or may not have much in common with you, now is the year to stop. To stop looking for a compatible relationship with an incompatible person.
Get clear on:
Your non-negotiables (e.g. lives in the same country, wants kids)
Your nice to haves (e.g. enjoys the same hobby, eating the same kind of food)
How you want him to make you feel (secure, loved, appreciated)
Put these all in lists and use them as a guide whenever you meet someone or get chatting on a dating app. If it becomes clear they do not fulfil a) or c) walk away. Don’t waste your time.
Use your nice-to-haves as a way of meeting men. Go to events, take up activities and go to places where guys who are interested in the same things will be. You’re automatically putting yourself in an environment to meet guys you actually click with.
If you’ve found yourself isolating yourself and not putting yourself out there, make this year the year that changes. It’s highly unlikely someone will eat you alive on a first date. See it as an experiment to go out and try new things with new people. Don’t take dating so seriously and watch your confidence grow.
So there you have it - 3 things to focus on to actually get the relationship of your dreams this year.