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How to approach a first date

You’ve got your music playing, you’ve rushed out of work on time, you notice your hands shaking a little. First dates, that classic mix of fear and excitement.

What will he think about me? Will we have stuff to talk about? Do I look OK? What will he look like? Could this be it? Could he be the one? It would be soooo good to be in a relationship right now.

Chances are any number of these thoughts are running through your mind on a first date. Or maybe you’re in this camp:

Here I go again - can I really be bothered? I’d rather be curled up on the sofa watching my new favourite show. I’m soooo tired.

Why a fresh approach is needed

First dates can be so much easier and so much more fun for you. Because trust me, all the over-thinking, analysis and anxiety that most people approach them with is totally unnecessary. As is the detailed analysis with your girlfriends afterward. And the feeling forced to “make a decision” on whether this is someone you could share your future with the very next day.

Consider this approach instead. What if the only thing you had to think about was “This date determines whether I want to see this person again”.

Notice the I. How much more relaxed would you be if you’re only thinking about what you think? If what your date was thinking about you didn’t even have to cross your mind. How much less pressure would you feel if you didn’t have to decide your future fate based on the next couple of hours?

You are completely worthy of a relationship. And there’s a great guy out there who is perfect for you (probably several, tbh). So stop worrying about passing some sort of test, and instead focus on yourself.

What to think about

Trust that the only thought process you need at the end of the night is “Did I have a good enough time that I’d like to see this person again?”. That’s it.

None of the “would he be a great father?” “what mini-break could we go on over the upcoming holidays?” “did I feel enough sexual attraction?”. No, no, no.

Thoughts like that will force you into an intense analysis that will come out with some crazy conclusions based on a couple of hours with someone. Especially if you felt strong chemistry, your body will actually have been flooded with hormones that cloud your judgment.

Three simple questions to ask yourself

Now is not the time to make big judgment calls. Now is the time to simply observe:

  1. How did this person make me feel?

  2. Did I have a good time?

  3. Would I like to spend more time in their company?

You conclusion will determine whether you want to go a second date with them. And at this stage, that’s your job done!


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