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5 myths about dating

Kat Winny Dating Coach Man ready for relationship

Myth Number One: You must love yourself first

Think about all the people you know in relationships. Do you truly believe that every single one of them loves themself completely? Of course not. Chances are none of us will ever love ourselves 100%. So it’s time to stop chasing this unattainable goal.

A baby learns to love through the act of being loved first. As a fetus and a new-born, it has no concept of love, but it’s mother is already it showing love. We learn to love through our connection with others. We learn to love because we were loved by others first.

Myth Number Two: If it doesn’t work out, there must be something wrong with you

When things haven’t worked out time and time again, when your ex ran off with someone new, when you’re struggling to meet someone, it’s easy to think that something is wrong with you. Not true.

A relationship is made up of three entities - you, your partner and the relationship itself. There are many things feeding into the relationship entity - yes you, yes your partner, but also external circumstances. When things don’t work out, it’s because there’s a problem at the relationship level, not at your personal level.

Myth Number Three: All you need is love

This is what songs, films and the media have infiltrated our consciousness with ever since we were born. But love without respect, safety and security will not set you up for a happy relationship. The ability to trust and depend on each other is going to see you through much more than the heart-wrenching pull you have towards each other.

Think back to some of your strongest “pulls of attraction” towards another person - did they equate to your most healthy relationships? It’s time to look beyond love, and to trust that our deep down longing is for safety and security - these are the things to focus on.

Myth Number Four: You shouldn’t rely on your partner for happiness

The truth is, your partner often will be your greatest source of happiness. One of the amazing things about being in a relationship is that you can support each other - sharing moments of happiness and bringing happiness to each other when one of you is feeling down. To deny this is to deny one of the greatest gifts a relationship brings.

It’s important to have your own independent sources of happiness and to carry on doing all the things that make you feel good. But denying that your partner is going to be the biggest factor in your personal happiness is to go against a fundamental truth of relationships.

Myth Number Five: Your one and only soulmate will find you, no matter what

The soulmate theory is a beautiful one, and I’m not actually against it - it definitely saw me through some tough times. But believing that you can just float around until your soulmate finds you is probably not going to result in you finding a healthy relationship. I believe that ultimately you make a choice. At some point you will meet someone and commit to that relationship being the one you will stand by. Through thick and thin. You choose that this person will be your soulmate.

In essence, there are many, many people that could be this person for you (think of the billions of people in the world, and the sheer number of people you come into contact with over the course of each year). Start being open to the fact that any number of these people could provide you with the relationship of your dreams.


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