Bad manners are all too easy in modern day dating. When you’re only communicating virtually with someone you’ve never met, it’s easy to overlook the fact this is a real human with real feelings.
It’s an unfortunate reality in the world of Tinder, Bumble and Match.com. But it’s one we all need to take responsibility for.
So why are you a victim of these behaviours?
How others treat you is often symbolic of the way you way you treat yourself, and others.
If you don’t love and respect yourself, you’re not going to invite others to do the same to you. There’s a dating analogy that guys want women that are a “rung above them on the ladder”. This doesn’t necessarily mean the woman is better looking or more successful, but the woman has enough respect for herself that she knows she is a prize.
When you start to really love and have respect for yourself, you will attract people who have these qualities. The way you behave and react in the world will change. You’ll only be attracted to, and attract in, people who are prepared to also love and respect you. For who you are.
I have a friend who has done serious personal transformation work and recently invested in a program on dating. The difference in her dating reality is amazing - she attracts great guys who treat her with respect, call her before dates and don’t ghost her. Even if it doesn’t work out, guys will ring her or tell her face-to-face why that is.
It’s also important to consider how you treat others. If you are not being respectful of other people, this is the energy that you are putting out into the world. You’re operating on a level where respect isn’t important, so it will come straight back at you in spades. I hear a lot of women complaining about being ghosted, only to overlook the fact they have also done this in the past.
What do you need to do instead?
Look at the way you treat yourself. Some of the first questions I ask my clients are all around how they treat themselves. It’s a great representation of how they will be allowing others to treat them.
You need to prioritise looking after yourself, filling yourself up with self-love and being respectful of your own needs. These things will not only make you an amazingly attractive woman to be around, but will also mean you can spot someone who is not prepared to do the same. For a long-lasting relationship, you need someone who is going to look after you, love you and be respectful of your needs.
Treat others how you want to be treated
Always treat others how you would want to be treated in that moment. Operate on that “higher level” where you are always respectful of people’s time.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’re no longer interested, send a short message letting the other person know. Be open to answering any questions they have about why. This allows you to gracefully move on without feeling guilty. You’re keeping yourself on that higher level of respect, grace and manners.
I recently had a comment on my Instagram feed about what to do when you experience bad behaviour from someone you’re dating. Do you retaliate? Or try and be the bigger person? It may be appropriate to point out the behaviour, and acknowledge how it has made you feel (hopefully saving the next victim). But do this from a place of grace and power. Point out the behaviour without getting passive aggressive, and then explain why you won’t put up with it and why you’re moving on as a result.
Then hold your head up high, and move on graciously. Keep on that higher level rather than dropping into a level where people operate without respect.
You are responsible for some much more of your reality that you probably realise. Whilst that can seem scary, it's also amazing - it gives you the power to change. Starting right now.
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Finding Mr Dateable
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