Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
“You all simply have too much choice these days” - wise words from Muma Winny.
And in a nutshell, the main reason that dating in a city can be so tough. While the likes of dating websites, Tinder and Bumble have opened up avenues to dating, at the same time they’ve closed down some of the more traditional paths.
When I think back to my early dating experiences, pre-apps and pre-dating websites, these were all guys I met organically - at my Sunday job, through friends or at college. Back then, I stuck things out because there was only one single guy at my Sunday job, only one guy I wanted to kiss at a party and only two hot single men in my A-level law class (and one of them scared me as I’m pretty sure he was part of a gang - so I went on a date with the other).
When a guy came along, I pretty much always gave him a chance, because I didn’t know when the next one would come along. Can you relate?
Now, when you can easily find several new matches and instantly start “getting to know them” from the comfort of, well,anywhere, anytime, finding someone is a little less precious. If something seems like hard work, get swiping again. If someone has crooked teeth, get swiping again. If someone didn’t steal your heart on the first date, get swiping again.
You’ve probably been the victim of this
If you’ve ever been ghosted, before or after a date, chances are you’ve fallen foul to this. Maybe someone else did come along for that guy. Maybe it was the mere thought that they could. Either way, they went back to swiping and you were left disappointed.
With this comes the need to make an outstanding first impression and to hold on tightly to anyone that does seem worth your time.
Talk about pressure. For you and them.
But have you also been guilty?
It’s super easy to turn round our problems onto others. To convince ourselves that the guys out there are all sex-mad fiends who aren’t looking to settle down.
But have you ever turned down the caring, kind guy who was ready to give you his all? Because he had a dodgy shirt, a weird laugh or crooked ears?
Can you honestly say you’ve never ghosted someone? Never turned and left without an explanation?
It’s time everyone took responsibility
Yes, today’s dating world can seem transient, superficial and non-committal. But make sure you recognise the role that you might be playing in this. You may well be getting swept up in the tide or retaliating to behaviour you’ve experienced yourself.
Step away from the victim card, and look at what you can control. You don’t have to indulge in the “someone else is a swipe away” culture. You can start giving men more of a chance. You can start looking for them organically. You can start meeting people in the flesh again.
You can start giving that caring, kind guy a second date despite his dodgy socks, rather than flitting onto the instant chemistry that another guy might bring.
I’ve been there
I’ve so totally been there. Single in two major cities (London and Dubai). I’ve overlooked the nice guy who actually phoned me the night after I met him - because I didn’t like his hair (not my finest hour). I turned down the guy who took me on some lovely dates, sent sweet messages and rang me from holiday - for the bad boy who I felt such “strong chemistry” with (need I say that did NOT end well).
I’ve known what it’s like to go to countless nights out, events, weddings and holidays solo, hoping you’ll meet someone.
I’ve also know what happens when you open your eyes to what is around you.
Because the city holds some great dating opportunities.
Numbers! More people in the vicinity = more chances of finding compatibility
Events - cities have tons of tailored events = more chances of meeting someone with the same interests
Friends - the city offers wide “friend of friend” circles = ask your friends for set-ups
Opportunities - the city offers you so many opportunities to learn and grow as a person, make the most of them
Want to learn more?
As well as my coaching program, I’m offering several upcoming events on Dating in Dubai and Finding your Mr Dateable. You can find out all about them here. For a limited time only, I’m running a special “two together” offer for my Dating in Dubai workshop on 27 September.
If you’re not based in Dubai, you can download my Top Ten Tips for Dating Success here.
You can also join my Dating in Dubai facebook group where I share exclusive content and events, just for members.
Any questions or thoughts to add? Just drop me a comment below or send me an email :)