You’re probably spent more time being taught about trigonometry than you have about dating.
You’re smart and switched on, or you wouldn’t be reading this article. But the fact remains that there’s very little formal training on relationships out there.
So where do we tend to go for advice? The sofas of our nearest and dearest - our friends.
What’s wrong with this?
There are some things that are right about going to your friends. They know you, it is comforting to be with them, and they will willingly give up their time to support you.
But there can be a lot of things wrong with this:
Your friends have probably not had any training on relationships either. Unless they’ve had a successful long-term relationship, should you really be trusting their advice?
They will be biased by their own experiences. If they’ve been hurt by a guy that sounds similar to the guy you’re currently dating - they will warn you off them like the plague.
They will generally say what they think you want to hear. They’re invested in their friendship with you and they don’t want to hurt you. They’re going to say what you want to hear, rather than what you need to hear.
Their taste and needs may be entirely different to yours.
Put together, this means you will often be getting a biased and subjective viewpoint which is trying to focus on making you feel better, rather than improve your dating life.
I'm not saying all their advice will be bad, or tainted. There could be some great gems, but you must be careful with how you ask for and receive this advice.
What should you ask your friends to do instead?
Use your friends as a listening board. Tell them you just need to vent about an experience and for them to listen. Make clear you don’t need any actual advice.
If they do give you advice, don’t take it as gospel. Think about it objectively and think about how it makes you feel - do you see the truth in it? Remember that seeing the truth can come out as disagreeing and getting angry - which is your resistance to a truth you didn’t want to hear. If you're either triggered or feel deep resonance - there is likely some truth there for you.
Ask your friends not to be overly critical of the guys you are dating, or men in general. This is imprinting a lot of negativity around dating and men in your subconscious mind. If you’re overlooking bad behaviour, it’s fine for them to point that out objectively. But their general criticism can lead to you building up anger and frustration over a situation.
What else can you do?
Start to learn to coach yourself and see things objectively. Listen to how you are feeling and experiencing dating and be prepared to give yourself some honest advice.
Learn more about dating from reliable sources - there are so many blogs, articles and books out there. You can also check out my Facebook Group (launching 1 September) for recommendations.
Seek expert help. If you’re ready to understand what is really going on in your love-life, book you free consultation call with me today and find out how I can help you attract in your Mr. Dateable faster, smarter and stress-free!