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The biggest mistake you’re making when dating

If you have not yet found your partner for life, you might be making this one fundamental mistake.

Firstly, you need to know there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. But there is probably something wrong with your approach.

I listen to so many great single women moan about how there are no decent men in their city. How hard it is to meet people these days. How shallow men are.

If that sounds like you, it’s essential to recognise and change these types of thoughts. There are decent men. It is not harder to meet people. There are plenty of men looking for long-lasting relationships.

If you’re not finding them, you’re probably making this fundamental mistake in your approach to dating:

You are looking for the wrong types of men in the wrong places

I was speaking to a client last week about how she couldn’t find any single men because she only goes clubbing once in a blue moon. She was convinced that she had to be at clubs to find guys to date. But she doesn’t even like clubbing.

So why does she think she is going to find the right type of guy for her in a club? Yes, it could happen. But there is a much more effective strategy.

If you are doing the same things week in, week out, you are going to be meeting the same types of men week in, week out. And getting the same results from your dating. Once in a while, someone might bring a single male friend to dinner. But wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to wait for that to happen?

So what do you need to do instead?

You need to start looking for the right guys in the right places.

A few months ago, I went to a painting class with a group of four girlfriends. There were about 12 of us there total. Out of those 12, there were three good-looking, interesting men who were clearly single. That’s 25% of the total group, when we made up another 25%. Look at the odds!!

There was an opportunity to chat about the mutual topic (painting), do something creative and everyone ended the evening feeling like they had had a good time. Not all of which are guaranteed from a night at a bar or a first date off Bumble.

So get more creative with where you are spending your time. Think about the things you enjoy doing and start going to unisex classes/events where people are doing them.

Sacrifice a Ladies Night for a cult theatre show or a chocolate-making class. Even if you don’t meet anyone new, you’ll have had a fun, fulfilling evening anyway. Consider, shock-horror, going to an event alone so you are forced to talk to new people. Even women may have great single guy friends they could set you up with.

Think about where the types of guys are that you want to meet. Then start going there. Ideally, find places where you will all be sober.

It works

I’m going to a wedding later this month where the couple met at their gym. They both did circuits at lunchtime together.

A single friend of mine recently got asked out to a concert by a guy she met at a singles trekking group.

A couple I know who recently celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary met at Tescos.

How to make it work for you

I find most women I work with think they are clear on what they want from a partner, but deep down, they’re really not. So if you want to get clear and commit to finding your long-lasting partner, check out my Finding Mr. Dateable program here.


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