If you haven't yet read Part One, you can find it here.
You have to be in the market
When you’re looking for a home, you sign up to some good agents in the right area, you keep an eye on what’s online and you keep your eyes peeled for new “For Sale” signs. You don’t expect someone to ring you up out of the blue and suddenly offer you the perfect home.
Ditto with dating and relationships. You need to be putting yourself in the right situations to meet the kind of guy you want to meet. People need to know you’re looking so they can send potential dates your way. I see so many people looking in the wrong place for the wrong type of guy, or simply not looking at all and wondering why they’re not finding anyone.
There is a lot of misleading advice
Everyone has an opinion on what home you should buy. Everyone who is happy with their home will recommend their area/estate agent/property features. You may find yourself being warned off a certain property by someone who has completely different taste to you, despite the fact it ticks your boxes.
Same with relationships. Everyone carries their opinions and particularly, their own hurts from previous relationships. With the best will in the world, your friends are probably not giving you the best advice. They want you to be safe and they want to protect their friendship with you. They’ll get triggered by a situation that hurt them previously and tell you to run screaming for the hills. Potentially away from the right guy.
I love this quote from Bridget Jones:
“Listen Bridge, taking advice on dating from Jude and Shazzer is like taking advice from a diet consultant who weighs twenty stone”
You need to take advice from an objective, reliable source. Who has been where you are and come out the other side. Who knows the market and understands your needs.
You don’t know the future of the market
There is a degree of “risk” in buying a property. You are investing a lot of money and you don’t know what the market is going to do in the future. The roof might collapse. You may get flooded. This risk requires vulnerability. You have to be vulnerable to invest. You have to make peace with the risks.
The same is true with relationships. You’re going to invest heavily (emotionally) and be vulnerable. This exposes you to the risk of getting hurt. You can’t predict what will happen in the future. But you have to be willing to take those risks to find the one.
It’s much easier to take this leap of faith when you’ve worked through previous hurts, boosted your self-confidence and got comfortable with being vulnerable. (This is Stage 4 of My Finding Mr Dateable Program, btw).
You will get that “feeling” but it may take a couple of viewings
I am all for listening to gut feelings. But this can get taken over by other feelings or dominated by “rational” thoughts. You may like a house but you don’t initially trust or hear that gut pull as it’s not ticking a couple of key boxes. It might take three viewings and comparing against five other houses to finally hear and trust that gut feeling.
It is easy to get taken over and guided by “chemistry”, which is not necessarily the feeling you want. There is a feeling when you’ve met the one. But contrary to Disney’s preaching, it's not all fireworks as soon as you see his left ear lobe. It can take a bit of time and not be in the form of explosive chemistry. I learnt the hard way, but when in doubt, always give someone a second chance.
I love this buddhist quote:
“When you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your knees shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your “soul-mate” you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”
Excited sure, but in a good way.
Buying properties and finding the one are two very massive life steps that we’re not taught much about. We learn subconsciously from others around us and develop patterns from past experience.
If you’re serious about finding the one, you need to get serious about it. You need to commit to learning more about yourself and more about the process.
If it hasn’t worked for you so far, it’s time to change something. That something starts with you.
Ladies, listen up...
I am launching my new program, Finding Mr. Dateable on 23 August. There are a limited number of spots available at an amazing introductory discount.
To find out whether this program is what you need to find your long-lasting partner, book a free consultation call with me today. The sooner the book, the more chance of getting one of the discounted spots!