The Golden Question Are you a kind person? Are you generally quite nice to people? Do you smile, hold open doors for people and laugh at your uncle’s really-quite-terrible jokes?
I’d like to think that as a reader of my blogs you most probably are ;) But here’s the
golden question: are you kind to yourself?
As a busy professional, you probably live in a world driven by this formula:
Perfectionism = success.
After all, the best score to get at school was 100/100 right?
Why are we so mean to ourselves?
Being kind to ourselves may simply never cross our minds. Or if it does, it’s banished as luxury we can’t afford, something that takes up time we don’t have or selfish.
But what if I opened a door to show that you self-love will actually give you more time? Greater opportunities. Better relationships. Increased productivity.
Whilst you may be convinced you can, the truth is you cannot run at 100% all the time. You cannot send out a perfect piece of work every time. You will not always be loving and compassionate towards your family. You’re probably never going to be Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen (though in my opinion, that’s probably a good thing). And the more you beat yourself up trying, and criticising yourself for failing, the more you’re going to stop yourself concentrating on the things that really matter. Like, you know, feeling happy.
What does it do to us?
Allowing yourself to strive for perfectionism and for your inner critic to run non-stop means:
Increased likelihood of depression and anxiety
Being more critical of others
Hormonal & digestive issues
I mean, I could go on, but I think you get the point. It’s pretty terrible for your physical, mental and emotional health.
Why do we need to change? Look at the bullet points above and it's pretty obvious. But one in particular - when we are critical of ourselves, we are likely to be critical of others. We pass judgment on people alllll the time. It’s human, it’s natural and you do it way more than you think. That’s why Gabrielle Bernstein has written an entire book on the subject.
If we are nicer to ourselves, we’re actually going to be nicer to other people. Nuff said.
Imagine how much happier you would be without all that self-criticism. How much more enthusiasm you would have for life. That’s infectious. It means you’d get more done, and show up mindfully to others, rather than worrying about the fifteen perfectly circular pancakes you didn’t make for breakfast this morning and probably never will. How can you change?
It’s one of those “really simple but really quite difficult at the same time” things. The things you have to do are not exactly (or even remotely) rocket science.
Recognise when things are tough. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies. Having an urgent project dumped on you the day you only got three hours sleep is not easy. Simply recognise that.
Ask yourself “What do I need?”. If you’re feeling upset, emotional or not good enough, ask yourself what do I need to stop feeling like this? Internal or external support, a good cry, someone to laugh with? Ask and ye shall receive.
Talk to yourself like you would a friend. A voicemail from a friend made me laugh this week when she said “I know exactly what you’re going to say to me…”. Have those conversations in your head - know what your best friend/partner would say to you and say it yourself. And believe it!
Do more fun things for you. Just because they’re fun. And you like them. Doesn’t matter if other people don’t find six hours of plane spotting fun. If it makes your heart soar, do it.
Set boundaries. If you feel like you don’t have time, create time by saying no to things. Choose sensible boundaries that work for you, for a reason, and people will respect them. Gotta enforce them too.
Self-love has a lot of cheesy, airy-fairy connotations, but this shizzle is real. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? How can you expect yourself to perform your best? You won’t even believe it’s possible. Let go on perfectionism. Recognise when things aren't perfect and be nice to yourself about it. Allow yourself to get things done. To be present in the moment.
The bad news is that it’s going to go against a lot of internal conditioning. The good news is that you can practice any time, anywhere and you will find it easier as you do.
Want to practice and have some fun?
If this has resonated with you and you’d like to silence your inner critic and experience some self love, I’ve got a treat for you!
I’m so excited to share the wonderful work that Melany Oliver does with just a handful of you. Imagine what it would feel like to suddenly become your own biggest fan. To feel like you are the best you can be, and act accordingly.
In an fun, intimate experience we’ll be guiding you through what it means to love yourself more and how to open up more opportunities and attract greater love into your life. Through a combination of theory, reflection, inner work and powerful experiences with horses you’ll learn how to silence your inner critic and be the person YOU want to be.
This is your experience and you deserve a whole lot of dedicated time for you. So we’re capping this at just eight people, with three spots going before we even opened sign up. If the thought of this sparks joy, get one of the remaining spots today by signing up here.